Trying to Win Over a Woman's Heart...

Some of you hopeless romantics might argue: there is a heap of sentimental value encapsulated in the journey of winning over a woman's heart. Maybe so. But in the wake of your efforts your chances are slim to nil of generating ANY attraction with her.

Women are ATTRACTED to men who are the PRIZE. When you try to win over, impress, or get validation from a woman, you are making her the Prize in the interaction, not you. Doing this is the quickest rout to eradicating ANY ATTRACTION there.

I should know; I've lost many women from doing this. Their attitude towards me turned from fun loving warmth into contemptuous ennui, imputing me as the source of their boredom. Scorning me, as if I was a suppository wrapped in gold foil that they mistakenly bit into, credulously thinking I was an Almond Roca.

Some men will try to win a woman over by attempting to act entertaining or funny. Acting entertaining and funny can generate MASSIVE ATTRACTION in women but only within the context of being the Prize.

In the context, however, of trying to win a woman over, acting entertaining and funny will destroy any ATTRACTION that was there. Even if a woman is laughing at everything you are doing and saying, she will probably be thinking: "Dance little monkey dance!" Women somehow clairvoyantly know when you're acting entertaining and funny as a means to impressing or getting validation from them.

If you're adamant about acting entertaining and funny, that's fine. But make sure you have the mindset that you're doing it for your own amusement, not trying to win her approval.

I know many guys who aren't particularly funny, though, women find them hilarious and very attractive. This is largely because these men aren't acting funny and entertaining in the context of trying to win a woman over. They, instead, are enjoying and amusing themselves.

So, when talking to a woman on the phone DON'T worry about impressing her. Have fun. Enjoy the conversation. Amuse yourself.

Many guys will try to fill the quota of a woman's "Ideal Man." What usually happens is this: As a guy is talking over the phone with a woman she'll bring up what she likes – or more often, what she disdains – in a man. Most guys, then, end up trying to qualify or prove to the woman that they are her ideal man. Don't do this. It conveys to the woman that you view her as a Prize you are trying to win over.

If a woman starts listing her "man" standards and requirements or begins yapping about a guy she really likes, interrupt her with, "this conversation's really boring me" or, alternatively, start conspicuously yawning. Both tactics are very powerful because they transform the underlying meaning of your phone conversation from:

To win her over you have to possess or display such-and-such qualities.

Into:

You letting her know that her conversation topic is not winning her any points with you.

(If you DIDN'T get what I just wrote, read it a few more times – it is really important!).

A direr version of this is when guys probe women with questions about what they look for in a man. If you are guilty of this, stop it! Besides making you look insecure about how you measure up to what she's normally ATTRACTED to, you're defining the underlying meaning of the phone conversation as her being the Prize, not you.

When talking to women on the phone, DON'T probe her with questions about what she's normally attracted to. ASSUME, instead, that you are the Prize she is trying to win over. Make her fill the quota of your ideal woman.

While talking to a brunette on the phone, I might, for example, haphazardly chuckle to which she'll inevitably shoot back with, "What?" I'll rebut with, "You're a brunette, aren't you?" and she'll say, "Yes." Then I'll let her know she doesn't fill my quota with, "I only like blondes! You aren't my type... but we can be friends."

Doing this is more than light hearted banter: I'm defining the underlying meaning of our phone conversation as me being the Prize.

I know a few guys that try to win women over by giving lots of compliments. I think giving women compliments can be very powerful. But when you give a woman compliments within the context of trying to win her over, you become a courtier: a flatterer of someone more important than you. Put simply, you are unknowingly implying that she is the Prize, not you.

Posted in: How to talk to women over the phone