She Would Never Like Me

They see an attractive woman, tell themselves that "she would never like me," and edit her out of the pool of possible women they could date.

We had one student who did this constantly, and who learned a valuable lesson about it. He had seen a girl at a local dance club on a number of occasions. She was the kind of girl he liked — short, trim, with dark hair and horn-rimmed glasses. She was also about 20, in his estimation — and he was 38.

"Naturally" he assumed that she would never be interested in a guy like him. He gave himself reasons why that must be true: He was too old for her, he wasn’t good looking enough, he was too fat, and so on. He then continued to wonder why there were no women out there for him to date.

As part of working with us, he posted a personals ad on the internet, looking for women in his area. He didn’t get many answers, but there was one women who caught his interest.

She wrote, "I’m 20, so if that’s an issue for you, you should let me know. Also, I’m bisexual, so if that’s an issue, you should know upfront about it." (To put it mildly, that was NOT an issue with him.)

They emailed back and forth, exchanged pictures, and — you guessed it — it was the girl from the club. They really clicked on the phone, and in person, and in short order became lovers, and dated off and on for over a year. She once told him, "Some of the things I like about you are that you’re older, mature, and you don’t live with your mother!"

He later told us, "I can’t help but wonder how many women like that are out there for me, but who I reject instantly, before they even reach my conscious mind, just like I did with her."

Posted in: Where to meet great women